Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 225.
Starting a new job can bring up a lot of anxiety. You might find yourself imagining your first day over and over, worrying that you’ll make a mistake, won’t know what to say, or will become so nervous that other people will notice. Perhaps you were already very anxious during the interview, and now you’re afraid the same thing will happen when you actually start working.
When people use EFT for this kind of anxiety, it’s understandable to approach tapping with the goal of getting rid of the nervousness before the first day arrives. The difficulty is that this can sometimes create another layer of pressure. Every time we notice that the anxiety is still there, we may start thinking, “Why isn’t this working?”, “I shouldn’t still be feeling this way”, or “What if tapping doesn’t work for me?”
In my experience, tapping tends to work better when we can allow ourselves, to whatever degree is possible, to feel what we’re feeling and think what we’re thinking while we tap. I sometimes describe this as giving the microphone to what is actually there. We aren’t requiring ourselves to feel confident or calm before we’re ready. We can begin with whatever thoughts and feelings are present right now.
You Can Even Tap on the Fear That Tapping Won’t Work
If you’ve tried EFT before and didn’t get the results you were hoping for, that experience itself may now have some emotional charge.
For example:
“I’m afraid tapping won’t work for me because it didn’t seem to work last time. And this is where I’m at right now”.
You might also notice frustration, disappointment, or hopelessness when you think about trying again. Those reactions are all good places to begin. If part of you is already expecting EFT to fail, we can give that part the microphone rather than trying to bypass it or talk it out of its concerns.
Pay Attention to the Feelings About the Feelings
Another layer I would look for is how you feel about being anxious.
Perhaps you remember how nervous you were during the interview and feel embarrassed about it. Maybe your hands were shaking, your voice sounded different, or you had trouble finding your words. When you imagine something similar happening on your first day, you might start judging yourself.
Thoughts such as these can carry their own emotional charge:
“I was so nervous during the interview, and I’m embarrassed that I got that nervous”.
Or:
“When I imagine myself being really nervous on my first day, part of me thinks that’s so pathetic”.
I sometimes call these reactions “the feelings about the feelings”. We already have the original anxiety, and then shame, frustration, or self judgment gets added on top of it. Giving those reactions some tapping attention can make it easier to approach the original fear with a little more acceptance, which in turn can make it easier for the original fear to eventually shift.
What Are You Actually Afraid Will Happen?
“Starting a new job makes me anxious” gives us a useful starting point, but there are probably several more specific fears underneath it.
What happens when you imagine walking into work on that first morning?
Maybe you’re thinking:
“I’m afraid I’ll do something wrong”.
“I’m afraid I won’t make a good impression”.
“I’m worried my nervousness will get in the way”.
“I’m afraid I’ll freeze when someone talks to me”.
“I’m worried they’ll realize they made a mistake by hiring me”.
These are only examples. Your own words will usually be much more useful because they reflect what your mind is actually predicting.
You can mentally imagine particular moments from the upcoming day and notice what happens inside you. Picture meeting your supervisor, being introduced to your coworkers, learning a new task, or having to ask for help. If one particular scene produces more emotional charge, you have found something more specific to tap on.
And, for what it’s worth, let me also say this: some nervousness when starting a new job is very normal. There is going to be a learning curve. You haven’t had the opportunity to learn everything yet, so you don’t have to know how to do everything perfectly on your first day.
Your Current Anxiety May Be Connected to Earlier Experiences
As you work with those future scenarios, you may also become curious about previous experiences that could be contributing to your current anxiety.
Perhaps you made a mistake at another job and your supervisor reacted harshly. Maybe you had an embarrassing moment in front of coworkers, were fired unexpectedly, or spent years working in an environment where mistakes weren’t tolerated very well.
If a particular memory comes to mind, notice how you feel now when you think about it.
For example:
“When I remember making that mistake at my last job and how my boss spoke to me afterwards, I still feel embarrassed when I think about it now. And this is where I’m at right now”.
Working with some of those earlier experiences can sometimes reduce the emotional charge that gets activated when we imagine something similar happening again.
You Can Also Tap Without Saying Anything
There’s also a much simpler way to use EFT during the days leading up to the new job.
If you’re sitting at home and suddenly realize that you’ve been thinking about Monday morning for the last ten minutes and your stomach is in knots, you’re already tuned in to the issue. You don’t necessarily need to stop and come up with a setup statement.
You can simply start tapping silently through the points.
Allow yourself, to whatever degree feels manageable, to think the thoughts you’re already thinking and feel the sensations and emotions you’re already feeling. If your mind says, “I’m going to screw this up”, you can let that thought be there while you tap. If all you notice is the knot in your stomach, you can stay gently aware of that.
Sometimes removing the pressure to find the “right” tapping words makes self-tapping a lot easier.
How Will You Know Whether the Tapping Is Helping?
I wouldn’t make “I need to get rid of all my anxiety before my first day” the test of whether EFT is working.
You might still feel nervous when you wake up that morning. Instead, notice whether the nervousness is becoming less intense, less frequent, or shorter lasting. Maybe you can think about your first day without immediately feeling your heart race. Perhaps you still become nervous when meeting your supervisor, but you recover more quickly. Or maybe the anxiety is still present, but it doesn’t interfere with your ability to listen, ask questions, and learn what you need to learn.
Even feeling a little less anxious can make quite a difference in how well we’re able to navigate the situation.
Keep Tapping Once the Job Actually Starts
The first day doesn’t have to be the finish line for this process either. In fact, the first few days of a new job will give you new, specific experiences to work with.
When you get home, you can take a few minutes to notice how you feel about the day. If something didn’t go particularly well, give the microphone to your actual reaction:
“It was so embarrassing when I made that stupid mistake”.
Or perhaps the day went reasonably well, but you’re already worried about tomorrow:
“I’m dreading having to talk to my supervisor again”.
You can tap on what happened that day and then spend some time imagining the next one. Over time, this creates an opportunity to process difficult moments as they happen rather than allowing them to accumulate into more evidence that you’re incapable of handling the job.
Starting somewhere new involves uncertainty, learning, making mistakes, and figuring out how things work. EFT can give us a way to work with the anxiety throughout that adjustment period. And if we can gradually become a little less afraid of the anxiety itself, we may find that we have more attention available for the thing we wanted to do in the first place: learning how to navigate our new environment.
That said, when we’re feeling anxious about something that hasn’t happened yet, it’s not always easy to know what to focus on when tapping by ourselves. If you’d like some support exploring what’s coming up for you, you can learn more about my approach at brunosade.com.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Accredited Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. I work online with people around the world, helping them reduce the emotional charge behind difficult thoughts, memories, and triggers.
If you’re curious about experiencing EFT in a guided session, I occasionally offer a free EFT tapping session in exchange for a brief market research interview. You can sign up here.
