Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 211.
One challenge that sometimes comes up with EFT is the following:
A person gets very emotionally triggered in a social situation, but later, when they are finally home and have the time and privacy to tap on it, they notice they can barely feel anything anymore.
This can feel frustrating and confusing. After all, EFT tends to work best when there is enough emotional activation present while we tap. In other words, we usually need to be emotionally “tuned in” to what we are working on.
The difficulty is that some people only feel emotionally activated during the actual triggering situation itself.
For example, someone might feel very anxious, awkward, ashamed, or self conscious while talking to other people, but once they are back home trying to tap on the experience, the emotional charge seems to disappear. And unfortunately, tapping in the middle of the social situation itself is not always practical, especially if it would feel uncomfortable or draw attention because it’d look “weird”.
So what can we do in these cases?
One helpful approach is to try to mentally recreate the situation as vividly as possible.
This might involve imagining a future social situation that feels similar to the one that triggered you previously. As you imagine it, you can gently “zoom in” on emotionally charged details.
For example:
- the other person’s facial expressions
- the tone of their voice
- a comment they might make
- the feeling of awkward silence
- thoughts such as “Oh my God, this is so awkward!” or “I’m so lame!”
The more vividly we connect with the emotional experience, the easier it often becomes for the nervous system to “tune in” again, allowing the tapping to have something meaningful to work with.
Closing your eyes while tapping can sometimes help with this process as well.
Should we tap silently or should we say the phrases out loud? Interestingly, different people seem to connect better in different ways.
Some people find that tapping silently helps them tune into the emotional activation more deeply. Others notice that speaking out loud makes the emotional charge easier to access. Some people also find that working with a practitioner or therapist (that they feel comfortable with) helps them stay emotionally connected to the issue more effectively.
Another important thing to keep in mind is that the frustration about “not being able to feel anything” can itself become a useful doorway into the process.
For example, when you think about your difficulty connecting with the emotional charge, do you notice frustration? Hopelessness? Self judgment? Discouragement?
Anything that brings up some degree of unpleasant emotional activation can become a starting point for tapping.
And sometimes, rather than trying to force ourselves to feel a specific emotion, it can help to ask a different question:
“Is there any thought, feeling, or part of me related to this issue that wants to be given a voice right now?”
That shift in attitude can often help take off some of the pressure and make a surprising difference.
Very often, the more we meet ourselves exactly where we are, without forcing, pressuring, or demanding a particular emotional response, the safer the nervous system feels. And when that happens, emotions that previously felt inaccessible often begin to emerge more naturally.
That said, it’s not always easy to do this by ourselves. If you’d like some support exploring what’s coming up for you, you can learn more about my approach at brunosade.com.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Accredited Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. I work online with people around the world, helping them reduce the emotional charge behind difficult thoughts, memories, and triggers.
If you’re curious about experiencing EFT in a guided session, I occasionally offer a free EFT tapping session in exchange for a brief market research interview. You can sign up here.
