Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 210.
In almost any kind of relationship, whether romantic, family, friendship, or work related, it is common for certain dynamics to develop where two people repeatedly trigger each other.
One person says or does something that touches a nerve in the other person. The second person reacts in a way that then triggers the first one. And from there, the interaction can quickly escalate into a cycle where both people keep rubbing each other the wrong way.
Over time, these patterns can become exhausting.
This is one of the reasons why I often recommend, if it is a relationship we genuinely want to improve, taking some time every now and then to “give the microphone” to the anger while tapping.
I wrote more in depth about this in another article, but the general idea is simple: instead of suppressing the anger or impulsively unloading it onto the other person, we allow ourselves to safely vent while tapping.
This might involve focusing on the things that frustrate us about the other person, the judgments we have toward them, or the reactions they tend to trigger in us.
The more honest and unfiltered we can be internally while tapping, the more effective this process often becomes. Sometimes that may even include swearing if that is genuinely what is coming up.
What matters is that the emotion gets space to move through us.
By doing this privately while tapping, we can “get it off our chest” without creating the kinds of consequences that often happen when we react impulsively in the middle of conflict.
As the emotional charge begins to soften, we often become less reactive to the other person’s behavior.
The things they say or do may still bother us to some extent, but our reactions tend to become less intense, less frequent, and shorter lasting. This can gradually interrupt the cycle where both people keep triggering each other over and over again.
And interestingly, this can happen even if only one person is doing the tapping.
Relationships are systems. When one person begins reacting differently, the dynamic itself often starts to shift. There is a saying that “it takes two to tango”, and in many cases that is very true emotionally as well.
Giving the microphone to anger while tapping does not mean becoming a doormat or pushover, or tolerating disrespect.
In fact, many people find that as the emotional charge decreases, it actually becomes easier to set boundaries clearly and calmly when necessary. Instead of reacting from a highly activated state, there is often more room for clarity, steadiness, and self-respect.
And sometimes, that change in emotional tone can have a surprisingly meaningful effect on the relationship as a whole. We may even feel a deeper connection with the other person afterwards. At least, that’s been my personal experience, as well as the experience of some of the clients I’ve worked with using this approach.
It’s not always easy to do this by ourselves. If you’d like some support exploring what’s coming up for you, you can learn more about my approach at brunosade.com.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Accredited Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. I work online with people around the world, helping them reduce the emotional charge behind difficult thoughts, memories, and triggers.
If you’re curious about experiencing EFT in a guided session, I occasionally offer a free EFT tapping session in exchange for a brief market research interview. You can sign up here.
