Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 209.
From time to time, I come across a question that sounds something like this:
“No matter how much I tap, I feel resistance, like something inside me doesn’t want to let the emotion go”.
This is actually more common than you might think.
It can feel frustrating to do the work, to tap consistently, and still notice a kind of inner block. A part of you may genuinely want relief, while another part seems to hold on to the painful emotions.
When this happens, a helpful shift can be, to whatever degree is possible, “to stop resisting the resistance”. Or, in other words, to stop trying to get rid of the resistance.
Instead, we can begin to include it.
Rather than pushing it away or trying to override it, we can give it the microphone while we tap. In other words, we allow the resistance to express itself and we get curious about why it might be there.
Very often, that resistance has a reason. It’s trying to protect you in some way, even if the strategy it’s using is not particularly helpful.
The more we allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling and think what we are thinking while we tap, the more space there is for that underlying logic to emerge.
A couple of examples from my practice
Here are a couple of examples from my work with clients.
With one client, we were tapping on the grief she felt after the loss of her husband. Even after some tapping, she noticed that a part of her did not want to release the grief.
So I invited her to try giving the microphone to that resistance.
As she allowed herself to sit with it, she became aware of something important. For her, letting go of the grief felt like it would mean no longer honoring her husband. When she connected with that thought, she noticed a heaviness in her chest.
So that became the focus of the tapping:
“I feel like if I were to release this pain and sadness, I wouldn’t be honoring him anymore, and as I think about this, I feel this heaviness in my chest. And this is where I’m at right now”.
As we diminished and released the emotional charge attached to that phrase, the spontaneous “cognitive shift” that emerged for her is that she didn’t need to feel sad all the time to honor his memory. She could actually honor him by continuing to remember him (not necessarily 24/7), but in a more peaceful way, feeling grateful for all the good experiences they shared together.
With another client, we were working on his fear of public speaking, specifically around a memory from high school where a presentation had not gone well. As we tapped, he noticed a sense of resistance.
Part of him felt that if he were to let go of the shame connected to that memory, he might lower his guard and become more vulnerable to something similar happening again.
So we gave that resistance the microphone as well:
“There’s a part of me that believes that if I were to no longer feel ashamed about this memory, I would be making myself vulnerable for something like this happening again. And this is where I’m at right now”.
As we helped to release the unpleasant emotional charge attached to that phrase, he became aware of the following: by releasing the shame that was stored in his body (connected to that memory), he was actually becoming less vulnerable to feeling ashamed again in the future.
So, in both cases, the resistance wasn’t random, it was actually trying to protect something meaningful. In one case, it was protecting a sense of connection and honoring. In the other, it was trying to prevent future pain.
When we meet the resistance where it is and allow it to be heard, whatever is keeping it in place doesn’t need to do that anymore and it begins to loosen its grip.
The resistance no longer has to hold its position as strongly, because it’s no longer being ignored or dismissed. It has been acknowledged.
Working in this way requires a certain willingness to listen, even when what we hear feels uncomfortable or surprising. But it can also open the door to a deeper kind of processing, one that includes all parts of the experience rather than trying to push some of them aside.
That said, it’s not always easy to do this on our own. If you’d like some support exploring what’s coming up for you, you can learn more about my approach at brunosade.com.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Accredited Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. I work online with people around the world, helping them reduce the emotional charge behind difficult thoughts, memories, and triggers.
If you’re curious about experiencing EFT in a guided session, I occasionally offer a free EFT tapping session in exchange for a brief market research interview. You can sign up here.
