Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 205.
Recently, a client shared something that stayed with me. He told me that one of the things he appreciated about working with me was that I wasn’t asking him to do things he couldn’t actually do.
He had experienced something different in other approaches. Being told things like “don’t feel anxious”, “don’t overthink”, “just relax”, or “try to identify exactly what you’re feeling”. And his reaction was often the same: I would, if I could.
Hearing that made me reflect on my own experience as a client. I remember being drawn to methods that made a lot of sense in theory. They sounded clear, logical, and even promising. But when I tried to apply them, there was often something I couldn’t quite do.
Sometimes I couldn’t relax, or access what I was feeling, or find the “right” way to engage with the process. And there was often this quiet thought in the background: “This would probably work… if this obstacle wasn’t here.”
Over time, I became more interested in a different question. What if there was a way to make the process somewhat “obstacle-proof”?
Where EFT can get misunderstood
EFT can be incredibly effective, but like many approaches, it can sometimes be applied in a way that unintentionally creates pressure.
There are certain conditions that tend to make the process more effective. For example, being able to break down the problem into its smaller components, staying connected to what you’re feeling, allowing yourself to feel what’s there, or finding a level of emotional intensity that is neither too overwhelming nor too distant.
I sometimes describe the latter as finding the “right temperature” of the cup of tea. If it’s too cold, there isn’t enough emotional activation for the process to really move. But if it’s too hot, the nervous system can become overwhelmed. When the temperature is somewhere in the middle, the unpleasant emotional charge often begins to soften.
But in practice, these are often the very things that can feel difficult to access, especially when you’re trying to do this on your own. And when those elements are treated as rigid requirements rather than variables, the process can get stuck.
An obstacle doesn’t mean something is wrong
If you’re doing EFT on your own and something isn’t working, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing it wrong. It may simply mean that something isn’t available right now.
Maybe you can’t feel much. Maybe you feel too much. Maybe you don’t know what to focus on. Maybe part of you resists the process altogether.
In my view, those moments are not failures, but part of the process.
How I approach this in sessions
This is something that has shaped how I work. Rather than expecting you to “get it right”, I adapt the process so that whatever is happening for you doesn’t become an obstacle.
If something feels too intense, we can zoom out. If it feels too distant, we can gently zoom in. If saying the words out loud doesn’t feel right, we can tap in silence. If something is hard to access, we can work with what is more available.
We don’t need to force anything. We start exactly where you are, and work with what’s actually there.
For practitioners
If you’re an EFT practitioner, this might be something worth paying attention to. Sometimes we can unintentionally turn helpful elements of the process into rigid requirements.
Asking a client to rate their intensity, to identify an emotion, or to find a specific memory can be useful. But if the client isn’t able to do that at the moment, insisting on it can create pressure and break the flow of the session.
What I’ve found is that the more we can meet the client exactly where they are, the more the process tends to unfold on its own.
For those working on their own
If you’re exploring EFT on your own, it can help to keep this in mind.
You don’t need to get it perfect. At the same time, it’s not that “anything goes”. Certain conditions do support the process.
But if something feels difficult, confusing, or out of reach, that doesn’t mean EFT won’t work for you. It may simply mean that this is where you are right now. And that’s a perfectly valid place to begin.
The more we can meet ourselves exactly where we are, the safer, gentler, and more effective the process tends to feel, and the more naturally things begin to shift. That’s precisely what I aim to create in my sessions.
That said, it’s not always easy to do this on our own. If you’d like some support exploring what’s coming up for you, you can learn more about my approach at brunosade.com.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Accredited Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. I work online with people around the world, helping them reduce the emotional charge behind difficult thoughts, memories, and triggers.
If you’re curious about experiencing EFT in a guided session, I occasionally offer a free introductory session in exchange for a brief market research interview. You can learn more here.
