Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 220.
One of the things I find most fascinating about EFT is that the issue we bring into a session is not always the issue that ends up changing. (The client described in this article gave me permission to share her story, and identifying details have been changed to protect her privacy).
Recently, I worked with a client who came to a session feeling overwhelmed after a work meeting. During the meeting, people had been using highly technical, professional language, and she had also been told that, going forward, she would be expected to use more of that language herself. She found herself feeling intimidated and doubting whether she was knowledgeable enough. The immediate goal seemed straightforward: reduce the anxiety and overwhelm she felt about work.
As we began tapping, something interesting happened.
The technical language reminded her of a professional licensing exam she had considered taking, but ultimately decided against. As she thought about it, she realized that this very formal, clinical way of thinking simply didn’t feel like who she was. She preferred communicating in a simpler, more human way, and the thought, “I feel dumb”, began to emerge. As she gave those thoughts the microphone while tapping, she noticed sadness underneath them.
At that point, the session could easily have stayed focused on work or professional confidence, but instead another memory surfaced.
She remembered being a child and watching two of her siblings struggle with school subjects that had always come easily to her. She also remembered saying cruel things to them, calling them “dumb” and making them feel even worse. As she thought about those moments, the dominant emotion was no longer sadness about work. It was shame about the way she had treated them.
We spent some time simply giving that shame the microphone.
As the tapping continued, she made an observation that neither of us had anticipated at the beginning of the session. She realized that, as a child, she had been echoing what the world was already telling her siblings. Rather than offering them understanding, she had joined in with the criticism they were already experiencing.
That realization naturally led to another.
She began talking about the people she works with today and noticed that this experience had helped her develop a deeper sense of compassion for individuals who have been treated harshly, criticized, or made to feel “less than” by the people around them, including their own family members. She even found herself thinking about making amends to one of her siblings, feeling that doing so would be meaningful not only for their relationship, but also as a way of honoring the empathy she now brings to her work.
Near the end of the session, another connection emerged.
She spoke about her own children, who are exceptionally bright. Sometimes, when she is with them, she finds herself feeling a little like her sisters once did, as though they understand things more quickly than she does. But now, instead of feeling ashamed, she found herself smiling as she said it. There was warmth, perspective, and even a bit of humor. She could appreciate the irony without judging herself.
By the end of the session, the overwhelm she had felt about the work meeting had largely disappeared.
She told me that it now felt manageable to ask for help with the technical aspects of her job if she needed it, and that doing so would not diminish the quality of the relationships she had built with the people she serves. She also reminded herself that she had been doing this work successfully for many years, and that she could deal with this next challenge as well.
I think sessions like this are a good reminder that the relationship between our present struggles and our past experiences is not always obvious. We may begin by tapping on something that happened earlier that day, only to discover that it is connected to memories, beliefs, or emotions that have been contributing to the issue for years.
The encouraging part is that we do not need to know those deeper connections in advance. If we simply begin by giving the microphone to whatever is emotionally charged in the present moment, those hidden pieces often emerge naturally, one at a time, as the process unfolds.
That said, when it comes to doing EFT, it’s not always easy to do it by ourselves. If you’d like some support exploring what’s coming up for you, you can learn more about my approach at brunosade.com.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Accredited Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. I work online with people around the world, helping them reduce the emotional charge behind difficult thoughts, memories, and triggers.
If you’re curious about experiencing EFT in a guided session, I occasionally offer a free EFT tapping session in exchange for a brief market research interview. You can sign up here.
