Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 217.
Many people think of EFT primarily as a tool for reducing stress, anxiety, or other unpleasant emotions. And it certainly can be very effective for that. By tapping while giving the microphone to our thoughts, feelings, and body sensations, we often find that the emotional charge attached to them gradually decreases.
But what if the goal is to change our behavior?
Perhaps you’d like to exercise more consistently, reach out to potential clients to grow your business, or finally begin working on a project you’ve been postponing. Or maybe your goal is the opposite: spending less time on your phone, eating less sugar, or reducing another habit that no longer serves you.
One of the most useful ways I’ve found to approach behavioral change with EFT is to become curious about the part of us that objects to the new behavior.
Whenever we want to change something, there is often another part of us that is not entirely on board. Rather than trying to overpower that part through willpower, EFT invites us to listen to it.
What thoughts and feelings come up when you imagine doing the new behavior?
Those thoughts and feelings are often where the work begins.
For example, suppose you would like to reach out to potential clients for your business. On the surface, the behavior seems simple: send an email, make a phone call, or introduce yourself. But when you imagine actually doing it, perhaps a thought appears:
“I’m really afraid of being rejected”.
That fear becomes a great place to tap.
You might focus on an imagined future scenario in which someone rejects your offer. Or perhaps an older memory comes to mind, a time when you felt rejected or embarrassed, and that memory still carries emotional charge today. By working with the emotional charge attached to those experiences, the idea of reaching out often begins to feel less threatening.
The same principle applies to many other behaviors.
Imagine that your goal is to start going to the gym more regularly. You might notice a thought such as:
“Every time I’ve tried to work out before, I eventually quit, and I don’t want to disappoint myself again”.
Rather than arguing with that thought or replacing it with a positive affirmation, you can give it the microphone while tapping. There may be disappointment from previous attempts, fear of failing again, or shame about past experiences that deserve to be heard.
Or perhaps you want to reduce the amount of time you spend on your phone.
As you imagine putting your phone away, what spontaneous thoughts and feelings do you notice coming up?
You might notice thoughts such as:
“I don’t want to miss an important notification”.
Or:
“I’ll be bored if I don’t have my phone”.
Those reactions often carry emotional charge, and that emotional charge is exactly what EFT can help us work with.
The same applies to food cravings.
Suppose your goal is to eat less sugar. One layer might simply be the craving itself.
“Just thinking about those chocolates, I really want to eat them. They’re so damned good!”
That is a perfectly good place to begin tapping.
As you continue, deeper layers may emerge.
“When I imagine my life without eating sugar, I wonder what the point would even be. It’s my only source of pleasure nowadays”.
That thought may reveal something much more significant than a craving. It might point toward loneliness, stress, exhaustion, or a lack of enjoyment in other areas of life.
One aspect of this process that I think is especially important is remembering that the part of us resisting change often has something valuable to say.
Our first impulse may be to view resistance as an obstacle that needs to disappear. But very often it is trying to protect us or point out something that deserves our attention.
For example, someone might think:
“Going to the gym will take too much time”.
That may be a completely reasonable concern. Instead of dismissing it, we can ask whether there is a way to exercise that fits more realistically into our schedule.
Or perhaps someone notices:
“I don’t feel ready to reach out to potential clients because I don’t even know exactly what I’m offering”.
Again, that may contain useful information. Rather than tapping until the concern disappears, it may be more helpful to spend some time clarifying the offer first.
In other words, EFT is not only about reducing emotional charge. It can also help us better understand ourselves and our circumstances. Sometimes the thoughts that object to change are driven by fear or old emotional wounds. Other times, they highlight practical problems that can actually be solved.
The more willing we are to listen to both possibilities, the easier it often becomes to create changes that are not only meaningful, but also sustainable.
And even if we only release some of the emotional charge, or we only work through a few of the thoughts and feelings involved, that progress can still move us in the right direction. As those emotional obstacles become smaller, changing the behavior often requires less conscious effort and less willpower than before. It may not suddenly become easy per se, but it can gradually become easier.
That said, when it comes to doing EFT, it’s not always easy to do it by ourselves. If you’d like some support exploring what’s coming up for you, you can learn more about my approach at brunosade.com.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Accredited Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. I work online with people around the world, helping them reduce the emotional charge behind difficult thoughts, memories, and triggers.
If you’re curious about experiencing EFT in a guided session, I occasionally offer a free EFT tapping session in exchange for a brief market research interview. You can sign up here.
