Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 153.
I recently read a great article by EFT practitioner Andy Hunt titled The Road of Fire and Ice. The article uses a powerful metaphor to describe how our nervous system navigates emotional regulation. I’d like to share some key insights from it and expand on how EFT can help us stay on course when dealing with intense emotions.
The Road of Fire and Ice
Imagine you are driving down a road, and on one side, there is a raging fire, while on the other, there’s an icy lake. Your steering wheel responds to your emotional distress—when distress arises, the car veers unpredictably toward the fire (hyper-arousal: fight/flight/overwhelm) or the ice (hypo-arousal: freeze/numbing). The more distress, the harder it becomes to stay on the road.
Some people have a wide road, making it easier to stay balanced. Others, especially those with trauma or difficult past experiences, may have a much narrower road (also known as their ‘window of tolerance’), making it easier to slip into emotional overwhelm or shutdown.
What Helps Us Stay on the Road?
When tapping with EFT, one of our main goals is to help ourselves (or our clients) stay within a manageable level of emotional activation—just enough for tapping to be effective but not so much that we become dysregulated. Here’s how we can do that:
1. Meeting Ourselves Where We Are
Rather than forcing ourselves (or our clients) to push through distress, we can acknowledge and work with what is present. This means using gentle language in our tapping setup statements, such as:
“Just thinking about working on this, there’s a part of me that really doesn’t want me to do it, and that’s just where I’m at right now.”
This allows us to honor any resistance or apprehension instead of bypassing it.
2. Knowing When to Pause and Resource
Just as we don’t want to overexert ourselves at the gym, we don’t need to tap (and process) for the entire session. Sometimes, taking a break and shifting attention to something neutral or pleasant can help regulate the nervous system. This practice is known as Resourcing, and it can involve:
- Focusing on a neutral object in the room.
- Thinking about a comforting place or activity.
- Engaging in slow, comfortable breathing.
If a session becomes too overwhelming, pausing the processing for a bit and focusing on Resourcing (with or without tapping) can provide much-needed support for the nervous system.
3. Using Gentle Approaches Like Sneaking Up
If an issue feels too intense, we can take a gentler approach instead of diving in headfirst. For example, if recalling a traumatic event feels overwhelming, instead of directly tapping on the memory, we can tap on:
“Even though just thinking about working on this memory feels like too much, this is where I’m at right now.”
This helps us avoid overwhelming ourselves while still making progress.
4. Attunement and Co-Regulation in Practitioner Work
When working with clients, being attuned to their nervous system is key. If a client is getting too activated, we might need to slow down, pause, or shift to a neutral focus before continuing. The presence of a calm, grounded practitioner can also provide co-regulation, helping the client’s nervous system feel safer.
Final Thoughts
The metaphor of the road of fire and ice reminds us why gentleness and self-attunement are crucial when doing EFT. By respecting our emotional capacity, pausing when needed, and meeting ourselves exactly where we are, we can navigate even the narrowest roads with greater ease and resilience.
If you’ve ever found yourself feeling overwhelmed or shut down when doing EFT, I hope this perspective helps. EFT is a tool, but like any tool, it works best when used with care.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. Helping you manage emotional reactions and release triggers in a way that feels safe and tailored to your unique needs.
Have you ever noticed moments when you needed to adjust your tapping approach to stay within your window of tolerance? Please let me know in the comments below. And if you’d like support in exploring and processing your feelings, feel free to reach out.
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