Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 152.
In the past, I’ve shared the analogy of a cup of tea to describe how EFT works best when the emotional charge we focus on is neither too cold nor too hot. If it’s too cold, there isn’t enough activation to create meaningful change, while if it’s too hot, the emotional intensity can feel overwhelming, making it difficult to process. Today, I’d like to introduce another analogy that might help illustrate this concept: the camping bonfire.
Finding the Right Distance from the Fire
Imagine you’re at a campsite on a cold night, and you want to warm up by a bonfire. If you stand too far away, you don’t get enough warmth. If you get too close, it becomes uncomfortably hot. You need to find just the right distance—close enough to feel some warmth, but not so close that it burns.
This is exactly how we approach emotional intensity when tapping. Depending on the emotional charge of a memory or imagined scenario, we may need to adjust our focus—either zooming in to increase activation or zooming out to regulate overwhelming emotions.
Adjusting Your Focus Based on Emotional Intensity
• If the bonfire is very large (high emotional charge):
You don’t need to stand too close to feel its warmth. In EFT, this means using gentler phrasing and avoiding too many details. For example:
• “Just thinking about this memory, there’s some charge, and this is where I’m at right now.”
• “Just thinking about working on this memory, there’s some charge, and this is where I’m at right now.”
Notice that in both cases, we are acknowledging there’s an emotional charge, without diving into the specific details that make us feel that way.
• If the bonfire is smaller (lower emotional charge):
You may need to move a little closer to feel the warmth. In EFT, this means zooming in by asking: What about this memory might have a charge?
Maybe it’s a specific moment or mental image, a particular phrase someone said, or a bodily sensation associated with the event. By gently focusing on these aspects, you can ensure there’s enough activation for the tapping to be effective.
Handling Overwhelming Emotional Waves
Sometimes, while tapping, a sudden surge of emotion might arise—like an ember flying too close to your skin. If this happens, it’s a sign to step back and regulate the intensity before continuing.
• One way to do this is silent tapping, which is like adding cold water to the fire. Instead of saying phrases, simply tap without words for a few minutes and allow your nervous system to settle.
• Another technique is shifting attention to something neutral, boring, or pleasant while tapping silently—for example, focusing on a curtain next to you, recalling a favorite food, or noticing the feeling of your feet on the ground.
Final Thoughts
Both the bonfire analogy and the cup of tea analogy help illustrate the importance of finding the right level of emotional activation in EFT. We don’t need to push ourselves into distress, nor do we want to be so detached that nothing shifts. By fine-tuning our approach—moving closer or further from the “fire” as needed—we can create a tapping experience that is effective, manageable, and, most importantly, gentle.
In EFT, the phrase “no pain, no gain” doesn’t apply. We don’t need to push ourselves into overwhelming emotional intensity for tapping to be effective. Just like with the bonfire analogy, we need some activation—but only enough. We don’t need to step into the fire; we just need to be close enough to feel its warmth.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. Helping you manage emotional reactions and release triggers in a way that feels safe and tailored to your unique needs.
What do you think about this analogy? Do you find it helpful? Please let me know in the comments below. And if you’d like support in exploring and processing your feelings, feel free to reach out.
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