Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 139.
Setting boundaries can be challenging for many of us, especially if we’re used to putting others’ needs first. Often, we avoid the short-term discomfort of saying “no” to something we don’t truly want to do, like volunteering when we’re already stretched thin. However, this can lead to greater discomfort later on as we struggle with the consequences of not having set that boundary.
Today, I want to explore how EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) can help reduce the emotional charge around boundary-setting. Specifically, we’ll look at how to tap on the discomfort that arises at the thought of saying “no,” empowering us to make choices aligned with our true needs.
Weighing Discomfort: Short-Term vs. Long-Term
When it comes to boundary-setting, it can be helpful to ask ourselves: Which discomfort weighs more for me? Is it the relatively short-lived awkwardness of saying “no,” or the ongoing, longer-term discomfort of dealing with the impact of not saying it?
Boundary-setting involves recognizing that sometimes, the short-term discomfort of saying “no” is a worthwhile trade-off to avoid the prolonged discomfort that could come from not respecting our own limits. Of course, I’m talking about situations where we truly have the option to say “no”—sometimes, circumstances or power dynamics can make this choice difficult or even impossible.
Using EFT to Ease the Discomfort of Saying No
EFT is a useful tool for reducing the emotional charge around difficult situations, and setting boundaries is no exception. If we’re worried about feeling awkward or facing potential conflict, we can tap on these feelings to make boundary-setting easier. Because this can be a sensitive area, we might use a gentler approach like “Sneaking Up.”
Here’s a simple step-by-step approach you can try:
- Choose a Specific Scenario: Think of a situation where you’d like to set a boundary by saying “no.” This could be something like declining an invitation to an event, saying no to a request for your time, or explaining to a friend that they can’t stay indefinitely at your place. Start with a situation that has a moderate emotional charge—something challenging but manageable.
- Start with Sneaking Up: Begin tapping on the general discomfort without diving into the details right away. You might say, “Even though I feel [fill in the emotion] just thinking about saying ‘no’ to [specific person or situation], this is just where I’m at right now.”
- Notice Any Shifts and Adjust as Needed: As you tap, check in with how you’re feeling. If other emotions or specific thoughts come up, adjust your setup statement to reflect those. For example, if you realize that part of the discomfort comes from worrying they’ll be upset, you could tap on that: “Even though I feel nervous that she’ll be upset if I say no, this is just where I’m at right now.”
- Reassess the Emotional Charge: After a few rounds of tapping, check in with yourself. Has the discomfort shifted? You may find that the thought of saying “no” feels less intense. Repeat the process as needed until the emotional charge feels manageable or has dissipated.
- Choose Your Next Step: Once you feel more at ease, it’s easier to decide on the best way to respond. You may find that you’re now able to set the boundary with more confidence, or that you feel clearer on what’s best for you in the situation.
Practicing Boundary-Setting Over Time
Over time, EFT can help make boundary-setting feel more natural. By reducing the immediate emotional charge of saying “no,” we create space to honor our needs and make choices that align with our well-being. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own limits—and your future self will thank you for it.
If you’re new to boundary-setting or struggle with it, practicing this process with EFT can help you build confidence and resilience in expressing your needs.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. Helping you manage emotional reactions and release triggers, in a way that’s tailored to your specific needs and preferences.
What do you think about this approach? Have you tried using EFT for boundary-setting? I’d love to hear about your experiences. If you’ve never tapped with me and would like to explore this approach further, feel free to reach out—I’d be happy to help.
If you’d like to experience a free EFT Tapping session in exchange for a brief market research interview, click here.
