Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 131.
As I’ve discussed in a previous article, we could say that what we focus our attention on while doing EFT (the “Even though I feel… when thinking about…” part of the setup and reminder phrases) is like a cup of tea. We don’t want it to be too cold or too hot. Too cold means it doesn’t activate any unpleasant feelings at all, and therefore tapping on it doesn’t do much. Too hot means it brings up such a high emotional intensity that it can throw us out of our “window of tolerance” and into nervous system dysregulation.
The purpose of the Gentle Techniques, such as Sneaking Up (where we “zoom out” our focus by using fewer words or details) or Silent Tapping, is to help us pour some cold water on a possibly too hot cup of tea, so that we don’t scorch our tongues.
It’s important, therefore, when we’re about to tap on something, that if we notice a part of us doesn’t want to sit with whatever feelings this issue brings up, we don’t try to bypass it. Instead, we meet ourselves exactly where we’re at.
For example, if when thinking about a memory or situation you want to address, you notice a part of you that wants to push down your emotions about it, rather than trying to bypass that feeling, you can use those words: “Even though, just thinking about this, there are some emotions coming up, and there’s a part of me that wants to push them down, this is just where I’m at right now.”
Or if you notice there’s a part of you that would like to get up and run away from these feelings, rather than trying to bypass it, you can use those words: “Even though, when thinking about this, there’s a part of me that wants me to get up and run away, this is just where I’m at right now.”
Notice in both examples that we aren’t using any words to describe the memory or situation we’re working on. In other words, we’re “zooming out” from any potentially triggering details that might throw us out of our window of tolerance and simply meeting ourselves where we are.
By doing this, we’re helping to make the temperature of the cup of tea more manageable—neither too hot nor too cold. Like a client wisely said to me recently: “It’s true that we can drink a cup of boiling tea, but that might harm our mouth and body, and it’s not really necessary.”
Finding the balance between too much and too little emotional intensity is key to effective EFT practice. With the help of gentle techniques, we can stay within a comfortable emotional range and make steady progress over time.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. My approach is compassionate and tailored to your unique experiences and needs.
What do you think about this approach? Have you tried using Gentle Techniques to adjust the “temperature” of your EFT work? I’d love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback is crucial for shaping our discussions. Please share your thoughts below or reach out to me directly.
