Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 142.
When you’re dealing with a problem or challenging situation, sharing your emotions with someone you trust can be incredibly helpful. But how often do we clearly communicate what we need from the other person?
Sometimes, we just need to vent. Other times, we’re seeking advice. Or maybe we just want someone to listen without trying to “fix” anything. Communicating these needs can help set expectations and make the interaction more supportive. For example:
• “I really just need to vent right now.”
• “I’m looking for some advice. Can you help me?”
• “I honestly just need someone to listen. It’s been a rough week.”
It would be nice if people always knew what we wanted, but they usually don’t. Helping them out by expressing your expectations and needs can make a world of difference.
Why It Can Be Hard to Ask
Sometimes, we might feel hesitant to communicate what we need. Maybe we’re worried about being dismissed, ignored, or misunderstood. Maybe we think, “What’s the point? They won’t respect my request anyway.”
EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) can help us process these feelings and reduce the emotional charge around them. For example, you might tap using a phrase like:
“Even though I feel this frustration in my chest when I imagine talking to my spouse about this problem, and telling him that I just want him to listen, I’m not looking for advice, I feel like what’s the point? He is gonna try to ‘fix it’ and give me advice anyway, this is where I’m at right now.”
By tapping on these feelings, you can release some of the emotional weight and approach the conversation with more clarity and confidence.
Navigating the Other Person’s Response
Sometimes, even when we communicate clearly, the other person might not respond in the way we hoped. They might dismiss our feelings, ignore our needs, or offer unsolicited advice despite our request.
It’s important to remember that their reaction does not invalidate your emotional experience. If they don’t meet your needs, it doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It might just mean they aren’t the right person to share with in that moment. You might need to choose another person, or consider speaking with a therapist.
EFT can also help you process any feelings that arise about their reaction. For example:
“Even though I feel this anger in my chest when I remember telling him about this problem, and I specifically asked him to just listen and not give me advice, and yet he didn’t honor my request, this is where I’m at right now.”
Choosing the Right Time, Place, and Person
The goal of emotional sharing is to feel more understood and supported—not to feel worse. This means that choosing when, where, and with whom we share our emotions is crucial.
By using EFT to address the fears and frustrations that may come up, you can create a safe space for yourself to express your needs and emotions, even if the other person doesn’t respond perfectly.
When you communicate your needs clearly and without emotional overwhelm, you’re not just helping the other person support you better—you’re also honoring your own emotional needs and taking steps toward deeper connection and understanding.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. Helping you manage emotional reactions and release triggers, in a way that’s tailored to your specific needs and preferences.
What do you think about this approach? Have you tried using EFT to address conversations about emotional needs? I’d love to hear your experiences. If you’ve never tapped with me and would like to explore this approach, feel free to reach out—I’ll be happy to help.
If you’d like to experience a free EFT Tapping session in exchange for a brief market research interview, click here.
