Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 129.
Transference and countertransference are phenomena that tend to occur in every therapeutic or coaching relationship. These concepts are related to the dynamics between the client and practitioner. Today, I’ll focus on countertransference.
We could say that countertransference takes place when we unconsciously project or “transfer” feelings, thoughts, or experiences from past relationships onto our clients. This happens because our past is always influencing our perception of the present in one way or another. We are constantly reminded (even if we are not consciously aware of it) of past experiences we’ve had with other people in our lives.
Countertransference has to do with our emotional reactions to our clients, or to what they say or do. We could say that countertransference happens when a part of us gets triggered by our clients.
It’s normal for this to happen from time to time. The important thing is to try not to respond from this part of us.
In other words, a part of us might get triggered into feeling “inadequate,” “not good enough,” afraid, angry, etc., in response to something our client says or does.
We can thank this part of us and understand it has good reasons for feeling this way (e.g., this part wants us to be a good practitioner), but we do our best to not let it take over and control our actions.
Remember, countertransference is something to be mindful of and attentive to, but it’s also normal and nothing to be ashamed of. It can be an opportunity for growth.
The more you feel this shouldn’t be happening, or that there’s something wrong with you, the more this part of you is going to resist and fight back.
After the session, we can then tap on our reaction by focusing on the recent event of that interaction with our client, and/or on any other events with other people that it reminds us of. This makes it easier for us to stay calm, grounded, compassionate, and non-judgmental, and in a “nervous system regulated state” the next time we are working with our clients.
During the session, the fact that EFT asks us to use our client’s words most of the time while we are tapping increases the chance that we won’t be speaking from our own triggered parts, while also helping us soothe some of those reactions right there in the moment.
The more we have an agenda, the higher the chances our countertransference will be triggered.
Something that helps me stay in a non-judgmental feeling space is the idea that people are usually doing the best they can, considering their past experiences and traumas, as well as their available resources and support, or lack thereof.
By being aware of countertransference and using EFT to manage our reactions, we can maintain a therapeutic space that is safe, supportive, and effective for our clients.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. My approach is compassionate and tailored to your unique experiences and needs.
What do you think about this approach? Have you noticed countertransference in your therapeutic or coaching relationships? I’d love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback is crucial for shaping our discussions. Please share your thoughts below or reach out to me directly.