Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 146.
When working through an unpleasant emotional reaction, like the fear of public speaking, it’s common to experience an added layer of self-judgment or frustration about feeling that way in the first place. This “double negative mindset” can compound the original emotion, making it even harder to process and move forward.
Let’s break this down.
The Double Negative Mindset
The first “negative” is the original emotional response, such as nervousness about an upcoming presentation. The second “negative” is the judgment we place on ourselves for feeling that way, with thoughts like, “What’s wrong with me for being nervous? I should be over this by now.”
This additional layer of shame or frustration often creates a cycle of resistance that keeps the nervousness stuck, preventing us from fully processing it. The more we resist or judge our feelings, the more our system is pushed into a fight-or-flight state, reinforcing the anxiety rather than alleviating it.
Why Self-Judgment Sticks
Emotions are meant to flow—think of them as “e-motion,” or energy in motion. But when we resist them, they can become stuck. Self-judgment acts as a dam, stopping the natural movement of feelings and often amplifying their intensity.
The phrase commonly used in EFT, “I deeply and completely accept myself”, was designed to address this exact challenge. However, for many people, this phrase feels too big of a leap. A gentler option, such as “This is where I’m at right now”, can feel more accessible and help pave the way for acceptance.
Using EFT to Address Self-Judgment
When working with EFT, it’s crucial to meet ourselves where we are. Instead of bypassing the part of us that feels frustrated or ashamed, we can “give the microphone” to those feelings first. This allows the tapping to be more effective.
For instance, if you want to work on fear of public speaking, start by identifying a specific scenario—like an upcoming presentation that’s making you feel nervous. Before tapping on the nervousness itself, pause and notice if there’s any shame, frustration, or self-judgment about feeling nervous.
You might use a phrase like:
“Even though I feel nervous about this presentation next week, and I feel ashamed for feeling this way, like there’s something wrong with me, I feel this shame in my chest, and this is where I’m at right now”.
After addressing the self-judgment, reassess how you feel. Once that emotional layer has softened, you can move on to tapping directly on the nervousness.
Why This Approach Works
By addressing self-judgment first, you’re allowing your emotions to flow more freely. This reduces resistance, helps calm the nervous system, and creates space to process the original emotion more effectively.
When we meet ourselves with compassion and acknowledge our feelings without judgment, we begin to release the layers of shame and frustration that keep us stuck. This paves the way for greater emotional resilience and the ability to tackle the main issue—like nervousness about public speaking—with more clarity and calm.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve ever felt stuck while tapping on an emotional reaction, consider whether self-judgment might be part of the equation. By addressing that layer first, you’re not only validating your experience but also setting the stage for deeper emotional relief.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. My approach is compassionate and tailored to your unique needs.
What about you? Have you noticed how self-judgment affects your ability to process emotions? I’d love to hear about your experiences. Feel free to share in the comments or reach out if you’d like support in your EFT practice.
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