Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 196.
Many people feel confused when they reflect on their upbringing and realize they had loving parents, a relatively safe home, and no obvious attachment wounds. And yet, later in life, they struggle with things like social anxiety, low self esteem, or a persistent sense of not being good enough.
When someone grew up with narcissistic parents, chronic neglect, or overt trauma at home, it is often easier to draw a straight line between past experiences and present struggles. When that is not the case, people sometimes assume they are overreacting, being dramatic, or that something is “wrong” with them.
What I often invite clients to consider is the impact of experiences outside the home. Peers can play a powerful role in shaping how we see ourselves and the world. Classmates, siblings, cousins, neighbors, teammates, teachers, or other authority figures can all become significant emotional reference points, especially during childhood and adolescence.
Any experience where a child felt taken by surprise, isolated, humiliated, or unsure how to respond can leave a mark. This is particularly true when the experience felt threatening to their sense of safety, belonging, reputation, or identity, and when they did not yet have the emotional or relational resources to process it. Even if the event might look “minor” from the outside, the internal experience matters.
Bullying is an obvious example, and unfortunately one that many people have faced in some form. Repeated teasing, exclusion, ridicule, or subtle social rejection can quietly shape beliefs such as “there’s something wrong with me”, “I don’t belong”, or “it’s safer to stay quiet and invisible”. These beliefs often operate in the background for years, long after the original situations are over.
Interestingly, a client once shared a perspective that I find very helpful. When a child grows up in a chaotic or emotionally intense household, the volume at home is already very loud. In that context, what happens at school or with peers might register as less impactful by comparison. For children who grow up in calmer, supportive homes, the contrast can be the opposite. Home feels quiet and safe, so experiences outside the home can feel much louder and more overwhelming.
This does not mean one situation is better or worse than the other. It simply highlights how different nervous systems adapt to different environments.
With EFT, we do not need to fully map out where every issue originated in order to make progress. Sometimes tapping on a recent situation where the issue shows up, or an upcoming scenario that feels stressful, is enough to create meaningful shifts. Other times, working with memories of peer interactions, school experiences, or moments of social pain helps release emotional charge that has been carried forward.
As that charge softens, people often notice that their reactions in the present become less intense and more manageable. Social situations feel a little safer, self criticism loosens its grip, and confidence grows in small but noticeable ways.
Having had a loving home does not invalidate the impact of experiences elsewhere. Both can be true at the same time. EFT offers a way to gently meet whatever shaped us, without blame or minimization, and to help the nervous system update what no longer needs to feel threatening now.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. I help you release emotional triggers and build sustainable confidence in a safe space tailored to you.
If you’d like to experience a free EFT Tapping session in exchange for a brief market research interview, click here.
