Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 192.
Recently, a client shared a phrase she had heard from the poet and activist Andrea Gibson:
“Just say yes to the experience you’re having right now.”
She was referring to difficult life experiences, like illness or a challenging family situation. But we could easily extend this idea to any kind of experience, even ones that are supposed to be fun or meaningful.
It is a beautiful invitation. And at the same time, it can feel surprisingly hard to follow.
In my experience, the reason it can feel hard is that sometimes we try to jump straight into saying yes, without first acknowledging that there is a very real no present inside us.
And that no needs to be acknowledged and given space.
The No That Comes First
When something painful, unexpected, or overwhelming happens, it is very human to feel resistance. We might notice thoughts like:
“I don’t f…g want this.”
“This shouldn’t be happening.”
“I can’t deal with this right now.”
“Why me?”
Trying to bypass these reactions and go straight into acceptance can make the whole idea of saying yes feel forced or even invalidating. A part of us might comply on the surface, but another part feels unheard and pushed aside.
In EFT, we work from the premise that whatever is present right now is the right place to start. That includes resistance, frustration, anger, sadness, and the very clear no.
Giving Space to the No With EFT
Rather than trying to override resistance, EFT invites us to give it the microphone.
That might sound like tapping while saying something like:
“When I think about this situation, there is a part of me that says ‘No, f..k no! I don’t want this!’ And this is where I’m at right now”.
Or:
“There is a part of me that feels angry and resistant about what’s happening. I wish things were different. And this is where I’m at right now”.
We are not trying to change these feelings or convince ourselves of anything. We are simply allowing them to exist and be expressed, while tapping.
This act alone often brings some relief. Not because the situation has changed, but because the part of us that is resisting finally feels seen and acknowledged, and gets it off its chest.
How the Yes Emerges Naturally
What I often notice is that once the no has had enough space, something starts to soften on its own. Not necessarily into joy or enthusiasm, but perhaps into a bit more openness, neutrality, or steadiness. Only then does a more genuine yes become possible.
And that yes might sound like:
“I don’t like this, but I can be here with it”.
“This is not what I wanted, but maybe there’s some kind of silver lining”.
“I can allow this to be what it is, without fighting myself”.
That yes is very different from forced acceptance, because it comes from having honored our actual experience first.
EFT as a Practice of Honesty
In this way, EFT is not about telling ourselves how we should feel. It’s about making room for how we actually feel.
By leaning into the no with kindness and curiosity, we create the conditions for a more authentic yes to emerge. One that does not feel like self-betrayal or spiritual bypassing, but like an honest relationship with ourselves and with life as it is.
Sometimes saying yes starts with allowing ourselves to sit with the no, and trusting that this is part of the process. And from there, we take it one moment at a time.
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I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. I help you release emotional triggers and build sustainable confidence in a safe space tailored to you.
If you’d like to experience a free EFT Tapping session in exchange for a brief market research interview, click here.
