Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 181.
One of the reasons I value EFT is that it makes it easier to meet ourselves exactly where we are. Rather than needing to argue with negative thoughts, try to “reframe” them, or push ourselves to act our way out of our feelings with sheer willpower, EFT helps us work with what is already present in a way that feels more comfortable and less forceful.
EFT works differently because it helps us reach the amygdala and limbic system, which are parts of the brain that do not respond well to logic alone. Tapping creates the conditions where we can simply sit with our current thoughts and feelings, acknowledge them, and “give the microphone” to them, rather than fighting them. Over time, this often leads to those thoughts and feelings becoming less frequent, less intense, and shorter lasting.
Going with the Flow
I often think of EFT as a practice of going with the flow of our actual experience rather than swimming against it. It is similar to aikido, where we use the energy that is already present instead of trying to overpower it with force or resistance. With EFT, instead of battling against our difficult thoughts and feelings, we work with their energy directly, allowing it to soften and shift.
What we resist tends to persist. By giving ourselves permission to sit with our real thoughts and feelings, the emotional charge begins to release. This is what opens the door for shifts to happen. Sometimes the next layer of the onion comes up—another aspect of the issue waiting to be seen or heard. Sometimes a new more empowering perspective arises organically without forcing it.
Why Tapping Makes It Easier
The tapping itself supports this process by soothing the nervous system, which makes it easier to stay with difficult emotions. The balancing statement, “This is where I’m at right now,” adds another layer of acceptance.
That said, there are moments when sitting with a particular thought or feeling feels like too much. In those situations, we do not have to push through. We can keep tapping while gently shifting our attention toward something more neutral or pleasant. This helps send cues of safety to the nervous system, so the body can return to a more regulated state.
When the client feels ready, we can return to the more upsetting material, but in a titrated way that avoids overwhelm. This back-and-forth process, sometimes called pendulation, allows us to gradually expand our capacity without flooding the nervous system.
Example Tapping Phrases
Here are a few practical ways this can look in action:
1. Giving voice to the blunt thought:
- “When I think about this exam, I feel so anxious. If I fail, I’ll never forgive myself. And this is where I’m at right now.”
- “When I think about how I spoke in that meeting, I feel so embarrassed. I just want to hide. And this is where I’m at right now.”
By naming the raw thought exactly as it shows up, even if it does not feel logical, we allow ourselves to sit with it and release the emotional charge.
2. Shifting focus when it feels overwhelming:
- “I notice the sky outside my window. The color of the clouds. And this is where I’m at right now.”
- “I can hear the birds chirping. I’m focusing on that sound as I tap.”
- “I’m paying attention to the gentle rhythm of my breath.”
- “I imagine myself by the ocean, hearing the waves roll in and out.”
- “I think about something simple like folding laundry.”
In these moments, you are not ignoring the issue, you are simply giving your nervous system a chance to settle before returning to the difficult material. This gentle pendulation often makes EFT more effective and sustainable.
A Gentler Path Forward
EFT works because it helps us align with our actual experience, not because it forces us to think differently or act against our will. By allowing ourselves to sit with whatever is present and tapping through it, we create the conditions for natural shifts to happen.
Instead of battling against our feelings, we learn to listen to them, release their intensity, and discover what lies beneath. In this way, EFT offers us a path of compassion and cooperation with ourselves, rather than resistance. This makes it a gentler and often more effective practice for emotional healing and growth.
I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. Helping you manage emotional reactions and release triggers that keep you stuck in old emotional patterns — in a way that feels safe and tailored to your preferences and needs.
If you’re curious about what it’s like to work with a practitioner and are exploring the possibility of having EFT sessions with someone, I currently offer a free EFT tapping session for those who’ve never worked with me before.
It’s a gentle, no-pressure way to experience how this works and see if it feels like a good fit.
Click here to learn more and book your session, or feel free to reach out if you have questions.
