Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 176.
Recently, a client asked me a thoughtful question: How do we know if a feeling we have is just a normal reaction, or something we should tap on? For example, after having an argument with a romantic partner.
My answer is that we do not always know in advance, and the good news is that we do not need to know. A feeling we are having might be partly about the current situation (perhaps we are actually being disrespected or dismissed) and partly about old wounds that are being triggered. Either way, EFT can help.
The goal is not to tap the feeling away, but to sit with it and give voice to our genuine thoughts and emotions about the situation.
Giving the Microphone to Your Feelings
Something I have found very helpful, and many of my clients as well, is to tap by “giving the microphone” to what the angry part of us would like to say after an argument. These are often things we know would not be the best idea to actually say out loud to our partner, but they are still real feelings that want to be expressed.
For example:
- “You are not making any sense.”
- “This is so unfair.”
- “After everything I do for you…”
- “Just get a grip of yourself.”
You might even try a tapping phrase like:
“There’s a part of me that would like to say to my partner: You are not making any sense, this is so unfair, just get a grip of yourself! And this is where I’m at right now.”
Tapping while imagining ourselves saying those things helps that part of us “get it off its chest.” It also helps us process the anger rather than suppress it.
Finding Clarity After the Storm
When we tap in this way, two things usually happen:
- We start to feel calmer.
- We gain more clarity about how we want to respond to the situation.
That clarity often means approaching our partner with more tact and diplomacy, while still being authentic about how we feel. It is much healthier than pretending the anger is not there, and also more constructive than blurting everything out in the heat of the moment.
A Gentle Reminder
You do not need to decide in advance whether a feeling is “normal” or “worth tapping on.” If it is alive in your body and mind, then it is valid enough to bring into the tapping process. EFT is not about judging our emotions, but about meeting ourselves where we are.
I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. Helping you manage emotional reactions and release triggers in a way that feels safe and tailored to your preferences and needs.
If you’ve never worked with me and you’d like to experience how this works in a session, I currently offer a free EFT tapping session in exchange for a brief market research interview. It’s a gentle, no-pressure way to experience how this works and see if it’s a good fit for you. Feel free to reach out if that interests you, or click here.
