Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 171.
If you’ve been trying EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) for a while and still feel like you’re not getting the relief others talk about, you’re not alone. It can be incredibly frustrating, especially when you’ve invested hours tapping on a specific memory or issue and it still feels stuck.
So what’s going on?
The Pressure to “Make It Work”
One common reason EFT doesn’t seem to help is that we unknowingly approach it with a hidden agenda: “I need to get rid of my negative feelings right now”. That pressure, whether subtle or intense, can make it harder to be present with our experience. Instead of truly meeting ourselves where we are, we end up trying to force a shift.
That’s why, even though EFT traditionally includes asking yourself “How intense is this feeling, from 0 to 10?” (known as a SUD rating), this approach doesn’t work for everyone. For some people, measuring progress in this way creates pressure and performance anxiety. If you’re someone who tenses up when you think “I should be feeling better by now,” you’re not alone. In fact, I tend not to use SUD ratings with most of my clients for this very reason.
A More Effective Approach: Meeting Yourself Where You Are
Rather than trying to get rid of your feelings, EFT often works better when you approach it as a way to be with them. I know that can feel paradoxical, since the reason we’re tapping in the first place is that we want something to shift. But often, the shift happens when we stop pushing for it. As if you were gently saying to yourself:
“This is how I feel right now. And that’s okay.”
Instead of using a phrase like “Even though I feel this way, I deeply and completely accept myself,” which can feel too strong or untrue, I recommend a softer version like:
“When I think about [the memory/thought/situation], I feel [emotion or body sensation], and this is where I’m at right now.”
If you’re not sure how to label the emotion, that’s okay too. You can say something like:
- “I feel this tightness in my chest, and this is where I’m at right now”
- “I notice this emotional charge, and this is just where I’m at right now”
My Own Experience
Years ago, I had serious doubts about the effectiveness of EFT. I had tried it over and over, but nothing seemed to change. Then one day, I was alone and feeling very sad. I started crying, and without trying to find the right words, I began gently tapping through the points. I wasn’t trying to fix anything. I was simply allowing myself to feel what I was feeling as I tapped.
To my surprise, the sadness shifted.
Compare that with another time when I was anxious about a social event. I tapped, but I was doing it with the goal of making the anxiety go away as quickly as possible. It didn’t help much. The difference between those two experiences taught me a lot. In one case, I was meeting myself with curiosity and compassion. In the other, I was resisting how I felt.
Layers of the Onion
Another helpful concept in EFT is what’s called “shifting aspects.” You might begin tapping on one emotion tied to a memory, and then suddenly a different feeling shows up, or your attention shifts to a different detail of the memory, or even a different memory altogether. This doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means the process is working.
Each of these “new” aspects is a layer of the onion. And sometimes relief only comes after tapping through several of those layers. That’s why I often encourage clients to use EFT with a spirit of gentle curiosity:
“Just notice what you notice… and let that guide you to the next thing to tap on.”
When Doubt or Resistance Shows Up
Sometimes the most prominent feeling is doubt. For example, the thought “This will never work for me” might feel louder than the original issue you wanted to address. Rather than trying to push that thought aside, try giving the microphone to it:
“I feel like EFT will never work for me. And this is where I’m at right now.”
This helps release resistance and creates space for other parts of your experience to unfold naturally.
What If You’re Thinking About Working With a Practitioner?
It’s completely normal to feel unsure about working with someone else. You might wonder whether you’d be able to be fully honest, or whether it would be worth the time and money. Those are valid concerns. What makes the difference is finding someone who can adapt the EFT process to your comfort level, rather than rigidly following a script or protocol.
In my practice, I do my best to adjust to each person’s needs and preferences, so the process feels safe, personalized, and free of pressure. Every part of you is welcome in the process, including the skeptical or hesitant ones. I also offer a free EFT session in exchange for a brief market research conversation, so you can get a sense of what it’s like to tap with someone before deciding if you’d like to continue.
Final Thoughts
If EFT hasn’t brought you the relief you hoped for, it doesn’t necessarily mean the method is wrong for you. It might just mean that a different approach could help. One that emphasizes kindness over performance, and presence over pressure.
You don’t need perfect words. You don’t need to force a breakthrough. You just need to meet yourself where you are and let the rest unfold from there.
If you’d like support in exploring this process, feel free to reach out. I’d be happy to connect.
I’m Bruno Sade, a clinical psychologist and Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. Helping you manage emotional reactions and release triggers in a way that feels safe and tailored to your preferences and needs.
If you’ve never worked with me and you’d like to experience how this works in a session, I currently offer a free EFT tapping session in exchange for a brief market research interview. It’s a no-pressure way to experience how this works and see if it’s a good fit for you. Feel free to reach out if that interests you, or click here.