Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 81.
When coming up with a setup statement to start tapping, it can be useful to emphasize the emotion that we are focusing on with our tapping, since this is what tends to shift when we do EFT. One way to do this is with the following structure:
Even though I feel… (name the main emotion you are feeling), when I think about… (name the specific event or situation you are focusing on), because… (what about the event is making you feel this way), and I feel this… (name again the main emotion you are feeling) in my (name the part of your body where you are mostly feeling that emotion), this is just where I’m at right now (or any other balancing statement you prefer, such as “I deeply and completely accept myself”).
Let’s look at a couple of examples:
- Even though I feel sad, when I think about the argument I had with my girlfriend yesterday, because the look on her face made me think that she didn’t love me anymore, and I feel this sadness as a lump in my throat, this is just where I’m at right now.
For the reminder phrase as you tap through the other points, if you want to keep it really simple you can just name the emotion, “this sadness”, or “this sadness in my throat”.
Some people find that just repeating the emotion makes it a bit hard to remain “tuned in”, so they might need to alternate between the emotion and why they feel that way, for example “this sadness”, “remembering the look on her face”.
- Even though I feel angry, when I imagine coming home tonight and noticing that my son Jack didn’t do the dishes even though I asked him to, I feel angry because he doesn’t care if I end up having to wash the dishes after coming from work really tired, and I feel this anger in my chest, I deeply and completely accept myself.
For the reminder phrase as you tap through the other points, if you want to keep it really simple you can just name the emotion, “this anger”, or “this anger in my chest”.
Some people find that just repeating the emotion makes it a bit hard to remain “tuned in”, so they might need to alternate between the emotion and why they feel that way, for example “this anger”, “he doesn’t care if I’m the one who then has to do the dishes”.
- Even though I feel embarrassed, when I think about my interaction with Jim yesterday, because that was such a stupid thing to say, and I feel this embarrassment in my face, this is just where I’m at right now.
For the reminder phrase as you tap through the other points, if you want to keep it really simple you can just name the emotion, “this embarrassment”, or “this embarrassment in my face”.
Some people find that just repeating the emotion makes it a bit hard to remain “tuned in”, so they might need to alternate between the emotion and why they feel that way, for example “this embarrassment”, “that was such a stupid thing to say”.
Notice that with this structure of a setup statement, it’s like a sandwich, where the emotion at the beginning (after “even though”) is one of the pieces of bread, the content of the sandwich is the specific event and the aspect of the event that’s making us feel that way, and then the other piece of bread is when we name the emotion again and where we feel it in the body.
“Even though I feel sad thinking about this event because… and I feel this sadness in my heart, I accept this is where I’m at right now”. This makes sure we are emphasizing the emotion, which is what will probably change as we tap on it.
Something to keep in mind is that if you don’t know where in your body you are feeling the emotion, that’s ok, you can leave that part out. In my own tapping, I tend to include it only when the location/body sensation is easily noticeable.
Something else to keep in mind is that if you notice that the emotional intensity is overwhelmingly high, then it’s best not to use so many words, or even no words at all. You might find it more helpful to just do a few rounds of silent tapping instead.
And remember, like I usually say, if you suspect the emotional intensity might become too high to tap by yourself, perhaps because you want to address a complex issue or a traumatic memory, it’s recommended that you seek the help of a certified practitioner, such as myself or someone else whose style you resonate with.
And that’s it for today! My name is Bruno Sade, a compassionate, open-minded clinical psychologist, and certified EFT practitioner. I’m dedicated to helping you break free from negative emotional reactions and cultivate a balanced, resilient mindset. My approach is flexible and tailored to your individual needs and preferences. Your experiences, beliefs, and background are always honored and respected in our work together.
What are your thoughts on this? Any questions or comments about this article, or suggestions for future topics? I’d love to hear from you, either in the comments below or by sending a private message.
