Increasing your effectiveness with EFT, part 108.
Many people (myself included) often spend a lot of mental energy thinking about how much better things would be if only something different had happened in the past. For example, if only a different presidential candidate had been elected; if only things had worked out with a previous romantic partner, etc. These thoughts can drain our energy, our emotional wellbeing, as well as our ability to be in the present moment and deal with whatever is the current situation we are in. Today I’d like to talk about how we can use EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Tapping on these “if only” thoughts.
As we’ve discussed many times in previous articles, EFT can be used most effectively to diminish and potentially release the unpleasant emotional charge we feel about “specific events”, such as recent memories or future imagined scenarios where the issues we want to work on are at play.
So, one way we can tap on these “if only” thoughts is to come up with a specific event where they are at play, such as a recent time when we had them. For example, the recent memory of going to the supermarket and noticing the prices are so high, and thinking “they wouldn’t be so high if the other presidential candidate had won the election”, and tapping on the unpleasant emotions we feel now when thinking about that. The setup statement might be something like: “Even though I feel angry, when I remember going to the supermarket yesterday and noticing the food prices are at an all time high, this wouldn’t be happening if the other candidate had won the election, and I feel this anger in my chest, this is just where I’m at right now”.
Another example would be tapping on the recent memory of an argument we had with our romantic partner, and thinking “perhaps if things had worked out with ‘the one who got away’ I wouldn’t be having these arguments all the time”, and tapping on the unpleasant emotions we feel now when thinking about that. The setup statement might be something like: “Even though I feel sad, when I remember the fight I had with my girlfriend yesterday, especially when thinking that if things had worked out with (insert the name of ‘the one who got away’), I wouldn’t be having these fights all the time, I feel this sadness in my throat, and this is just where I’m at right now”.
The other way we can tap on these “if only” thoughts is to come up with events that actually never happened but we wish they did. As long as they have an emotional charge when thinking about them, we can apply EFT on them.
Using the first example above, we might imagine how nice it would be if the other candidate had won the election, and we were enjoying a barbecue with our friends, talking about how the government is improving the economy and reducing inflation. When thinking about how nice this would be, but knowing that’s not what’s actually happening in reality, maybe the feeling that comes up is anger at “how bad people voted”. The setup statement might sound something like: “Even though I feel this anger, when I imagine how good things would be if the other candidate had won, I’d be hanging out with my friends, talking about how the government is improving the economy and reducing inflation, I can’t believe people voted like they did, that makes me so angry, and I feel this anger in my chest, this is just where I’m at right now”.
Using the second example above, we might imagine how “if only things had worked out with the one who got away”, we might be traveling together to Hawaii, and laughing a lot at our goofy jokes. When thinking about how nice this would be, but knowing that’s not what’s actually happening in reality, maybe the feeling that comes up is regret. The setup statement might sound something like: “Even though I feel this regret, when I imagine how good things would be if things had worked out with ‘the one who got away’, we’d be traveling together to Hawaii and laughing at our goofy jokes, I feel this regret that I didn’t try harder to make it work between us, and I feel this in my chest area, this is just where I’m at right now”.
These examples illustrate just a few ways EFT can be applied to navigate those ‘if only’ thoughts many of us sometimes struggle with.
So, to recap, we can apply EFT on recent and future events, but we can also apply EFT on events that never actually happened, but “could have happened if only things had played out differently in the past”. This can be particularly useful if we find ourselves frequently pining over those situations, and spending a lot of mental energy doing so.
And that’s it for today! I’m Bruno Sade, a compassionate, open-minded clinical psychologist, and certified EFT practitioner. My approach is tailored to your individual needs and preferences, always respecting your experiences, beliefs, and background.
What are your thoughts on today’s topic? What has your experience been like with those “if only” thoughts? Feel free to share your experiences, questions, or suggestions for future topics. You can either leave a comment below or send a private message.